don’t text and drive

my whole life changed in under 30 seconds

There is a post or two of my accident from 2018 but I struggle a lot getting it out of my mind. I have wanted to write it out and get past everything! At times I feel I need help climbing up from this pit I am in and what better way than to write out my feelings.

Out of the blue I will hear a loud sound and I am taken right back to my accident. The sound of another car hitting the back end of my mini van with such great force that my eyes and teeth felt like they were being forced out of my head is enough to make me shiver.

I feel like I am failing when I mention my accident now. Maybe if I was completely healed from my injuries, it would not come up in conversation. Looking healthy and moving around, most people do not know my inner daily struggles. I was diagnosed with Major Chronic Concussion and will suffer with this for the rest of my life. I will not heal completely, but will continue to push myself to be the best that I can be!

My brain tries to comprehend movement all around me. For example, trying to go to the State Fair last year, people walking all around, movement from the rides, I broke down. I felt like I was suffocating, having a stroke. My lips would not move and I could barely utter a word. We had to leave the fair after being there for 15 minutes.

Phones, Computers, Reading were all out for a very long time. Staring in to space for hours felt like minutes to me. I lost track of time so often. My neck was pushed forward, but with exercise it is staying good and does not require surgery as of yet. Also, to add to the mixture of pain, I have Costochondritis. Inflammation and pain of the sternum and my right top ribs. This has been so bad that I could barely walk or move.

Being someone that has never had to worry about my weight, I not only dealt with depression because of my life change but because I went from a size 4 to a 12. Months of Physical Therapy has taught me to do certain exercises and to not give up.

Speech Therapy taught me to pay close attention to detail, writing down what I see and hear. To push myself, and not give up. To understand that angry outbursts are happening for a reason, and to rest and to continue my therapy on my own and with family and friends.

I went from a very healthy, in shape 50 year old woman that owned her own Cleaning Business, working Monday through Friday. Cleaning 2-3 homes a day, taking grandchildren to and from school, grocery shopping, walking 3-5 miles a day, cooking, cleaning my own place, to sitting for hours, stuttering, forgetting every single thought, not able to communicate at all. Wondering if I had showered that day. I couldn’t even stand at the kitchen sink to wash a coffee cup for months and months, shower on my own, sleep without 5 pillows propped behind and around me so I would keep breathing through the night. I have not been able travel or I swell terribly and struggle to get a breath of air.

Finally after about $40,000 dollars plus+, almost 20 CT Scans of my whole body, a couple of terrible doctors, rushed and poor help in the emergency room, medicines that did not help, I went in to a walk-in clinic. Thank goodness for their thorough questions and examination. They figured out what was wrong with me within half an hour what other doctors could not. We found me an excellent Neurologist and a wonderful place for Physical and Speech Therapy.

Another big part of my therapy was my husband talking me through all of my fears and low feelings of myself. My family helped by visiting and helping me through each outburst of tears and anger that would just sprout up.

My goal was to write this post and be able to move on completely in a fresh way with my daily writings and posts and to find a business I could do from our home. One that I really have enjoyed was raising our litter of AKC English Bulldogs.

To complete this post:Here are photos of my van. Thank you Dear Lord that I had just dropped two of our grandchildren at school because the force completely broke the back seat and their car seats!

When I was slowing down to turn in to my driveway, a girl behind me in her car was busy taking her eyes off the road.

her cell phone was more important than driving her car

When they say an accident can happen close to home, it is very true. This happened right in our front yard of our previous home before we moved to the farm.

As I said I was slowing down, she continued going 50 mph and hit the back of my van with such great force. My van flipped through the air several times, hitting giant rock under the ground.

My van was so pushed in to the ground on the driver’s side that it took 45 minutes for a tow truck to lodge it out of the earth.

It was a week before Thanksgiving, 2018, and a lot of our family were in the house. We are very thankful I did not hit the house or the trees in the yard, or any other car! Praise the Lord no one was killed!

This is not a fun post to write, but I am glad to get it out and written! If any thing this helps me heal and hopefully helps someone else that may be going through some tragedy they just can’t seem to get past or around. Write out how you feel, and talk with family and friends. We can all help each other!Thank you for reading my thoughts that I want to forget about and move forward. Have a blessed day! :)Jen